Good evening Mr. President and welcome back home. We didn’t miss you much while you were away. In fact, we have been very busy burning down the remaining markets. So far we are on course. There is statistics to prove. Hopefully before the year makes a full cycle, we would have achieved our key performance indicator; zero tolerance for a standing market.

Yes, those guys you brought from Uncle Sam’s place are also very hard working. I am told they pitched camp on Bantama High Street today eating fufu and ebunebunu. Call it a cultural experience. Or the overhyped Ghanaian hospitality?

Your Excellency, just a very quick one. While you were away, a couple of other things happened. Uncle Martin and Uncle Agbesi have been striking it out over who did or did not ‘thief’ grandpa’s money. It was a long fought battle actually. You would recall how Uncle Martin at a point had to walk out from home because of this issue. You would also recall how he became ‘chewing stick’ for some of the boys in the Dramanic Charismatic Choir (DCC). How they gave him all kinds of names just so they could hang him? The rest of us were simply watching from the sidelines. I’m sure Korku, Gbedo, Kyekwa and Tekwey actually prayed silently that he would go hit a cul de sac, so they can say, “We told you so”. Where and how is Efo Tony Ay-do anyway?

So it came to pass, that when Uncle Jones and his council of grey-haired elders sat down and brought Martin and Agbesi together to make peace, it was agreed that Agbesi and his looting brigade did harvest from where they did not sow. So them say, make dem vomit am. The money plenty paa ooo. Some ɔpipi peee…something something. Kw333 my apetite just start dey rise for nation building. By the way, have you listened to any of the new songs released by the DCC in honour of Uncle Martin’s perseverance? Top of the chart. Grammy-winning hits. Now everybody is his friend or compatriot. I hear the album title isCitizen Vigilanté. Obaa wɔ!!!

So now that we have some cash coming in, I am sure we can flesh up the almost dry bone in the Jubilee Flagstaff House (JFSH). What are the plans? Clearly this was not budgeted for so please don’t tell me you have any plans for it. Let’s put our heads together here and now. Forget about those siblings and cousins crying hail storm and hell fire. Sammy Awuku, Kwaku Bako and Kwesi Pratt can cry themselves hoarse. Let’s use this cash wisely.

First of all, from the look of the fading colour of the pink sheets in Uncle Atuguba’s custody, I am not too sure if Aunty Laudina will still be cooking your dinner from that kitchen in the JFSH by the time the gavel hits the bench. So again, I say let’s be wise. Act quickly.

People say you should invest in rail transport development? I beg, dawg them. Who wants to ride in a train now when we can acquire a few more SUVs?

Schools still under trees? So what? Haven’t they been there since? Let that one be Akufo Addo’s headache if he ever gets to go into the JFSH.

Erratic power and water supply? So you should put this money where? I beg, let people dig wells in their homes and buy kerosene hurricane lamps for the night. If they won’t do it, that is their palava.

Jobs for young graduates? AGAMS and Better Ghana Agenda GYEEDA Limited Ventures Inc., are already taking care of that. Those boys from UCC and Legon should join their colleagues from UDS to rear guinea fowl and weave basket. Those from Tech and UMaT can choose the mobile phone repairs option. After all, all job be job. Pot-hole patching module sef dey.

And what is this thing I hear about pressure on you to put some of the money into completing the Accra-Kumasi Highway? Tell those people to get the heck off your back. They can go hug transformer for all we care. Masa, man no come say e dey come do all, e come do some. You try. Make somebody else come finish. If they no go do, make dem dey there. Once the Bole-Bamboi one is done, bingo, we are good to go. At least we can visit grandma in the village anytime.

As for those housing projects Mr. Romantic De3huo and his gang so thoughtlessly started and couldn’t complete, I hear they have been shared among themselves so don’t bother completing them. If it’s about the so-called less privileged, masa, they are already taking care of themselves. Indeed, I saw a family of six yesterday under the Achimota Overhead, hungry, yet very comfortably sleeping away the night. The oldest boy of that family, twelve years or thereabouts, very handsome with his eyes darting in all directions and in no direction in particular, will also grow up and raise a few more of his kind under the bridge. So no worries at all. Nature abhors vacuum and will surely take of them.

So you see what I mean? There is absolutely no pressure on this money; that is if we are getting it all. If you can buy a plush hotel or two; one near the Tetteh-Quarshie Interchange and the other somewhere, better. Whatever you do, you must chop this money some, cos we don’t care. NAGRAT, GNAT, GMA, GOSPA, TEWU, and what else? They can go on indefinite strike. If they like, they can resign.

Your Excellency, that will be all for now. Lest I forget, the Katanga boys say hi. They say, “We have been watching, and we shall keep watching”.